"just when the caterpillar thought the world was over,
it became a butterfly." Anonymous
Karla and Mark Cadeau were eagerly awaiting the birth of their first child. They were so excited. They had everything ready, and Karla had a wonderfully uneventful pregnancy. Everything was normal and she was just about full term. And then Karla started to go into labor. It came on quickly, and fiercely. Their little Ava was born on April 14, 2005. She died on April 14, 2005. Ava was perfectly formed. She was chubby and soft and pink. She looked like an angel. She was absolutely perfect, that is, except that she was born unable to fill her lungs with air. A terrible, unthinkable tragedy had unfolded during labor. Ava had to be put on life support immediately after a crash c-section. During Karla's hard labor, Ava swallowed meconium and the doctors were not able to get to her in time to give her oxygen and clean out her lungs. When Karla awoke after surgery, she had to make the heart wrenching decision to allow Ava to be removed from life support. Ava lived just 7 short, but beautiful hours. Her heart slowly stopped beating over those 7 hours and she took her last breath in Karla's arms. Ava got to have her first bath. She wore her first outfit that she was supposed to wear home. Her family got to say goodbye.. but really, how do you say goodbye when you've just barely said hello?
I found Ava's story on YouTube, and it broke my heart in a million pieces. I wasn't looking for it. It found me. After watching the video, I felt urged to sit down and play the piano.. to let out my grief for this family. Ava's Song is the result. You left us too early little one, but your legacy lives on forever. I am so sorry about your loss, Karla and Mark.
For more about sweet Ava, and to read Karla's blog, please link over to http://www.untanglingknots.com/
October 2, 2007 - Update
Ava's Song has been uploaded to the Music page on this web site!
Ava's Song
(c) 9/12/07 Nicki Black
my eyes have cried a thousand tears in your name
my knees have seen the fire and the flame
my heart breaks into a shattered refrain
holy spirit come, holy spirit come
the night that i see has no ending for me
like roots that go down to the earth from the trees
you're a star that exists, but one i can't see
holy spirit come, holy spirit come
the walls that surround me are hollow inside
and the glass house i live in is cloudy and dry
there's no color or light, only wings that can't fly
holy spirit come, holy spirit come
i'd climb all the mountains, i'd swim all the seas
i'll do anything just to have you with me
this life is a prison, i want to be free
holy spirit come, holy spirit come
i dream of the day when the winds softly blow
and tell me the things that i struggle to know
drifting away, my thoughts overflow
holy spirit come, holy spirit come
dance again, here i am, silent and small
i'm making it through this each hour after all
i made you a promise i'd try not to fall
holy spirit come, holy spirit come
i linger and touch you once more in my dreams
i know what the smile on your lips sweetly means
the goodbye we say is temporary
holy spirit come, holy spirit come |