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My Music: It's music birthed from nearly 4 decades of circumstances that have shaped who I am. My influences have always been ethereal and experimental, from lands far away and people who don't fit into the industry-driven blender of too much of the same thing with little substance behind it. I am moved by perfect strangers that have incredible life stories. I am shaped by the human experience. I am shaped by my trials and the fires I've gone through. I write about the times I have weathered through abusive relationships. I write about when I watched my father die. I write about the season in my life when I danced barefoot and celebrated everything, and the times where I have been angry and hurt and wanted to do nothing but hide away and try to become invisible. I am a people-watcher and a God-chaser. I am quilted by the awesome family and friends I have around me. My music is my mirror. Music as a whole is about being different. Worship is about being one. I am both. A taste of my music would include symphonic orchestrations, lyrical dance, acoustic unplugged, contemporary Christian, instrumental, ancient, a cappella, personal dedications, children's music, things that don't exactly fit in any category, really... I have no genre. I am what I am.
I tend to feel totally underqualified and inadequate each time I write anything. Will this song say what I want it to say? How can I play what I hear in my heart with these butter fingers I have? Will it even scratch the surface to capture the loss a parent feels after they lose a child or how violated they feel after a terrible injustice where they just want to scream at the universe? I just write from where I ache and am stirred inside, and just let it flow out of me without any agenda. I write for complete strangers whose own stories touch me on a carnal level I never thought possible. Their stories and images stay with me, like a bittersweet kiss you never want to end. I hope this music ministers in triumph and sorrow. I hope it brings peace, celebration, tribute, and perhaps even hope.
I am currently in the studio writing up a storm, and recording a boatload of music that has been piling up for years. All are all original music. Look for them on this website. I've posted just the lyrics of some, as I'm working on the music that will be added as I can.
My Person: Hungry. Purposeful. Reflective. Unconventional. Colorful. Respectful. Sometimes unexpected. Intricate. Compassionate. Quiet and reserved (except when I'm not). A good friend. Praying to make a positive difference. Striving to live a faith-filled life, but still realizing that I will always come up short. I am Loving. I am Loyal. I am a spiritual person. I believe everything happens for a reason in both tragedy and victory, even if we may never know while on earth why the terrible things happen to good people. I believe in miracles. I believe in Heaven and Hell. I believe life is fragile and vulnerable and it's time we stop playing games and just breathe in each day like we're not going to be here tomorrow. I don't take anyone for granted. I know loss.
Everyone has a story. Every song has a face. What you hear in my music is who I am with no pretense. It's how I live. It's where I stand and dig in my heels no matter what side of the mountain I'm on. To describe me, I'm a worship warrior, going to the battle on faith and resolve. I don't like to let circumstances or what I see on paper distract or defeat me. Although I say that after I've done my stomping and crying and pounding the steering wheel as I scream inside my head for answers. Describe me as quietly bold. Peripherally on the frontlines. I am moved and propelled and challenged and inspired and made pensive by art and dance, by poems and passions, by different cultures and people, by learning from failure, and by practicing the creative process. I'm in the details. Please don't placate me with momentary or superficial regards. Get to know me. Be real with me. Tell me the truth. Please, no "southern hugs".
You may read this and think I'm staid and formal. Actually, I am the opposite but most people are quick to judge and slow to relationship. I don't like to judge others, and I think that God puts people on our paths along our journey for a reason. In my case, I've found that these people can be starkly different or opposite than myself in every way include our faith beliefs, but that doesn't stop me from still caring about them, wanting to know them more, and certainly, praying that they meet Jesus.
In May of 2009, I celebrated 13 years of marriage to a wonderful, supporting husband who not only is my sound engineer and co-producer, but also my best friend and business partner. He loves me through all my imperfections and as it was said in Jerry Maguire, "for who I almost am". Our preteen daughter is brilliantly artistic and reflective with her own unique style of whimsy. Our toddler son, who we know has a deep call upon his life just by the shear set of circumstances he came into this world prematurely, has a gentle and tender heart and worships in the spirit like a gladiator. Both kids are spunky and vocal and opinionated and have a unexpected sense of humor. I can't imagine life without them. By vocation I am CEO and Graphic Artist for a design and hosting company that my husband and I began over a decade ago. I am also the Creative Director for our recording studio. In both arenas, we have asked the Lord to incorporate our talents into Kingdom work. He has filled the years with wonderful projects to do just that. And in the future, we will add engineering music camps as part of our ministry, "teaching them how to fish". My college concentration was fine art, and someday I will make the time to go back to my roots in printmaking and pen and ink. I will also get my hands into the many facets of art that I love, like pottery, jewelry, painting, film, woodworking, and sculpture. I believe you can interweave and represent the love of Jesus Christ and the pure heart of worship doing all of those things. The Lord did not give us passions and skills and desires to be squandered. He knew exactly who we were to be. Psalm 139.
I spent over 9 years on praise teams at my prior church. In the spring of 2004, He said to step down from the Sunday morning team in order to free my time up to focus on deeper worship and intercession, and moving to the next season. In the summer of 2008 we joined a new body on FIRE for Jesus! So much new is unfolding, with new pieces falling into place, and old pieces dying away. I never really know what to expect next. I didn't ever think my heart was this big to fit everything in like it does. I'm stretched, but happy. Love and empathy has had a new way with me lately. I am wrecked.
Future: I have no agenda of my own. I just want to go where Daddy is sending us and worship everywhere, all places along the way of this journey. I'm a girl from a small Midwest town who grew up watching life outside her bedroom window, wishing and hoping for everything a little girl wants. I just want to make music that touches someone. I pray I never miss when my Daddy wants to whisper in my ear. My soul aches for Moms with hearts that are breaking into a million pieces, especially. This is my lot in life in this intense season that I'm in. To wrap my hugs and prayers around others who are hurting, and who have suffered great loss. I want to do this for the babies who grew their wings too soon, and for the others, who are surviving here with us. |
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