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| bio |
My Music: It's music birthed from nearly 4 decades of circumstances that have shaped who I am. My influences have always been ethereal and experimental, from lands far away and people who don't fit into the industry-driven blender of too much of the same thing with little substance behind it. I am influenced by great songwriters and certainly great composers. I am shaped by the human experience. I am shaped by my trials and the fires I've gone through. I write about the season in my life when I weathered abusive relationships. I write about the season in my life when I watched my father die. I write about the season in my life when I danced barefoot and celebrated everything. I am a people-watcher and a God-chaser. I am quilted by the awesome family and friends I have around me. My music is my mirror. Music as a whole is about being different. Worship is about being one. I am both. A taste of my music would include symphonic orchestrations, lyrical dance, acoustic unplugged, contemporary Christian, instrumental, ancient, a cappella, personal dedications, children's music, things that don't exactly fit in any category, really... I have no genre. I am what I am.
In the beginning of this journey (and often times since), I've felt totally underqualified and inadequate each time I write anything. Will this song say what I want it to say? Will it even scratch the surface to capture the loss a parent feels after they lose a child or how violated they feel after a terrible injustice where they just want to scream at the universe? I just write from where I ache and am stirred inside, and just let it flow out of me without any agenda. I write for complete strangers whose own stories touch me on a carnal level I never thought possible. Their stories and images stay with me, like a bittersweet kiss you never want to end. I hope this music ministers in triumph and sorrow. I hope it brings peace, celebration, tribute, and perhaps even hope.
I am currently in the studio writing up a storm, and recording a boatload of music that has been piling up for years. All are all original music. Look for them on this website. I've posted just the lyrics of some, as I'm working on the music that will be added as I can.
My Person: Hungry. Purposeful. Reflective. Unconventional. Colorful. Respectful. Sometimes unexpected. Intricate. Compassionate. Quiet and reserved (except when I'm not). A good friend. Praying to make a positive difference. Striving to live a faith-filled life, but still realizing that I will always come up short. I am Loving. I am Loyal. I am a spiritual person. I believe everything happens for a reason in both tragedy and victory, even if we may never know while on earth why the terrible things happen to good people. I believe in miracles. I believe in Heaven and Hell. I believe life is fragile and vulnerable and it's time we stop playing games and just breathe in each day like we're not going to be here tomorrow. I don't take anyone for granted. I know loss.
Everyone has a story. Every song has a face. What you hear in my music is who I am with no pretense. It's how I live. It's where I stand and dig in my heels no matter what side of the mountain I'm on. To describe me, I'm a worship warrior, going to the battle on faith and resolve. I don't like to let circumstances or what I see on paper distract or defeat me. Although I say that after I've done my stomping and crying and pounding the steering wheel as I scream inside my head for answers. Describe me as quietly bold. Peripherally on the frontlines. I am moved and propelled and challenged and inspired and made pensive by art and dance, by poems and passions, by different cultures and people, by learning from failure, and by practicing the creative process. I'm in the details. Please don't placate me with momentary or superficial regards. Get to know me. Be real with me. Tell me the truth. Please, no "southern hugs".
You may read this and think I'm staid and formal. Actually, I am the opposite but most people are quick to judge and slow to relationship. I don't like to judge others, and I think that God puts people on our paths along our journey for a reason. In my case, I've found that these people can be starkly different or opposite than myself in every way include our faith beliefs, but that doesn't stop me from still caring about them.
This May of 2008, I will celebrate 12 years of marriage to a wonderful, supporting husband who not only is my sound engineer and co-producer, but also my best friend and business partner. He loves me through all my imperfections and as it was said in Jerry Maguire, "for who I almost am". Our daughter is 10 years old. She is brilliantly artistic and reflective with her own unique style of whimsy. We also have a 1 year old son, who we know has a deep call upon his life just by the shear set of circumstances he came into this world, fighting like a gladiator. Both kids are spunky and vocal and opinionated and have a unexpected sense of humor. I can't imagine life without them. By vocation I am CEO and Graphic Artist for a design and hosting company that my husband and I began over a decade ago. I am also the Creative Director for our recording studio. In both arenas, we have asked the Lord to incorporate our talents into Kingdom work. He has filled the years with wonderful projects to do just that. And in the future, we will add engineering music camps as part of our ministry. My college concentration was fine art, and someday I will make the time to go back to my roots in printmaking and pen and ink. I will also get my hands into the many facets of art that I love, like pottery, jewelry, painting, film, woodworking, and sculpture. I believe you can interweave and represent the love of Jesus Christ and the pure heart of worship doing all of those things. The Lord did not give us passions and skills and desires to be squandered. He knew exactly who we were to be. Psalm 139.
I spent 8.5 years on praise teams at my church. In the spring of 2004, He said to step down from the Sunday morning team in order to free my time up to focus on deeper worship and intercession, and moving to the next season. This new ministry is always unfolding, with new pieces falling into place, and old pieces dying away. I never really know what to expect next. I didn't ever think my heart was this big to fit everything in like it does. I'm stretched, but happy. Love and empathy has had a new way with me lately. I am wrecked.
Future: I have no agenda, or plans of grandness. I'm just a girl from a small Midwest town who grew up watching life outside her bedroom window, wishing and hoping for everything a little girl wants. I just want to make music that touches someone. My soul aches for Moms with hearts that are breaking into a million pieces, especially. This is my lot in life in this intense season that I'm in. To wrap my hugs and prayers around others who are hurting, and who have suffered great loss. I want to do this for the babies who grew their wings too soon, and for the others, who are surviving here with us.
And lastly, I give a big shout out to Karla Cadeau for inspiring me to list 100 things about myself. Thank you Karla. I bet you didn't know you did that. This is a big step for me to share these things.
1. I love the smell of freshly ground coffee
2. Bisquick does not make for a good face mask if you don't have oatmeal on hand. Bisquick HARDENS on one's face like concrete. Do not take bets from friends.
3. I caught a ride to high school everyday my senior year in my best friend's hearse
4. I love the beach in the fall, when the air is crisp, the shells are plentiful, and the tourists are gone
5. I miss my dad, who died from lymph node and brain cancer when he was 61. He was diagnosed and passed away within 1 month. I was 20 when it happened.
6. I wish I had asked him more questions about his life
7. I'm very quiet until you get to know me
8. Then you'll see I have a sarcastically dry sense of humor
9. When I had my first apartment by myself, a masked man jumped out of the bushes at me one night as I got out of my car in the driveway. I dived back into my car, locked the door, and he ran away.
10. I don't like heavy breakfast foods like pancakes, muffins, or french toast. I prefer soup or Turkish kavalti for breakfast (a plate of fresh veggies, cheese, honey, bread, a hardboiled egg, and a glass of hot tea.)
11. I'd rather eat a garden fresh juicy tomato than ice cream
12. I have green eyes that take on an amber hue in the fall and winter
13. If I could have super powers, I'd like to be able to turn back and rewrite time, heal people, fly, be invisible, speak every language, and replicate anything
14. I'd rather wear tennis shoes than heels
15. My parents gave me flying lessons and a trip to Mexico for my highschool graduation present
16. I don't follow sports, but I love watching the Olympics. And then it never fails that when I do watch the Olympics, I'm inspired to take up one of the sports. But that feeling lasts, oh, about as long as the Olympics are on tv, and then I get back to reality that my bad back and bad knees will never allow me to play competitive sports again.
17. I used to swim and roller skate competitively
18. I got a bad back after slipping on wet grass at 10, falling down a fireman's pole on ice at 11, a schoolbus accident at 13, a car accident at 19, a kick in my spine from an abusive relationship at 23, and a devastating chiropractic "adjustment" at 27
19. I put a staple all the way through my finger when I worked at a lumber store in high school
20. Since being pregnant the first time, I've had problems with my equilibrium
21. I am a bit of an insomniac
22. My favorite colors are black, grey, brown, various shades of green and periwinkle, and all shades metallic or iridescent
23. Outside of the US, I've been to Turkey twice, Canada 3 times, and Mexico once
24. I've always wanted to travel to Morocco, Egypt, Lebanon, Israel, Italy, Figi, Spain, New Mexico, and Maine
25. I'm a great cook
26. I was an extra/stand in for a couple of tv shows, and I've sang on tv many times
27. My favorite season is the fall
28. A man tried to abduct me in San Francisco when I was in 7th grade
29. Realistically, I wish I could speak fluent Turkish and Italian
30. I like the "new car" and "new book" smell
31. I can raise 1 eyebrow
32. I have 3 older brothers who are 9, 10, and 11 years older than me
33. I haven't seen or talked to my middle brother in 9 years
34. My cat from childhood bit through my big toe
35. I used to swear I'd never own a minivan, but now I'm not so sure
36. I don't like boxing. I don't see the point.
37. I used to be very liberal
38. I was awarded a college scholarship for academic excellence and my involvement in the community
39. When I was a child, I wanted to be a nun
40. I never got to tell my dad good-bye
41. I'm searching for who I am
42. I write most of my songs between the hours of 1 and 3 AM. The lyrics usually come very quickly, in a flow where I have to hurry to write them down.
43. When I was in my early 20's my guardian angel (or God? The Holy Spirt? Definitely something suernatural) called me on the phone to wake me up after I had overslept for my job. The voice was like nothing I'd ever heard before, and what they said quickened in my heart and confirmed that it was not "human". It saved me from being fired (my boss was not very forgiving) from a job I really needed during that season in my life.
44. I don't like water rides, because I don't like my wet clothes sticking to me
45. I have a fear of drowning
46. My best friend from childhood used to hold me under the water when we went to the pool together
47. I always have tomato juice to drink on airplanes
48. I don't like birthday parties for myself, but I do like to be remembered
49. I always knew in my soul that I would do something in the arts
50. I can't live without music
51. I don't like scary movies
52. I still have a baby tooth in my mouth
53. I'd never bungee or BASE jump
54. A dog bit my face open from my left eye, across my nose, and down to my lip when I was in 6th grade, but now all you can see is a small scar on my nose
55. I used to love to fly before 9/11
56. I was blonde for a couple of years in college
57. I marched in a Scottish summer marching band for several years (we wore kilts). I was a colorguard (flag & rifle). We were the North American champions for 2 years. I spent all of my summers marching for 12 hours a day, and traveling around the midwest and Canada on a bus.
58. I play the flute, piccolo, and keys. I will also be taking up the djembe and/or doumbek and the guitar.
60. We started homeschooling in 2005. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, but also one of the most rewarding
61. I sing when I'm driving
62. My husband gave me a flower and recited a poem to me every mile on a 3 hour trip once
62. I think God picked the perfect husband for me
63. When we got married, my mother gave me away over the phone because she couldn't be there in person
64. Someone put a hamster in a wheel on our wedding gift table. It was hilarious.
65. We originally wanted a Little Caesar's wedding, and we wanted to say "I Do, I Do", and wear togas. Our pastor at the time thought we were nuts and wouldn't do it.
66. I'm French Canadian Indian (Ispiritu Sanctu Tribe), German, and Bohemian
67. I've never broken my own bone. However, our first baby broke my nose when she was 2 years old playing "horsey"..
68. I was on bed rest for 2 months with our first baby, but then she decided to make her entrance 4 days past 40 weeks. She was born underwater.
68. Dancing to Riverdance does not induce labor
69. Our second baby was a complete surprise (9 years after our first). He decided to make his grand entrance 2 months early. I had to be checked into the big University hospital for 2 weeks. They put me on pitocin to speed up my delivery when I was already in labor. Those 2 very lonely and very violating weeks in the hospital were awful. Doctors need to learn to be more compassionate. However, the NICU nurses who took care of our baby were angels sent from heaven.
70. I had both babies without any pain medication
71. I've always wanted a sister
72. I would like to write a few children's books someday
73. I would like to sing with Josh Groban and Fernando Ortega
74. My best subjects in school were art history, biology, and English
75. I've never liked math
76. My fingers are double-jointed
77. I learned to roller skate at age 3, and then did it every week until I was about 14
78. I believe Jesus is the Son of God and the Savior of Man. I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe in the Gifts of the Holy Spirit. I believe that no matter how big of an awful mess you've made of your life, God still loves you and will never forsake you when you call upon Him.
79. I got saved when I was 23 at a Billy Graham event
80. I used to make Easter baskets assembly line style for all my boyfriends in college. Ok, does that sound bad after #79?
81. I would love to be in a band, doing all original worship music
82. I split my head open when I was about 4 years old from falling on a glass table after jumping on the couch. I have a huge scar across the back of my head.
83. I am more of an observing fly on the wall versus a social butterfly
84. My Mom has been a huge influence in my life, and she's taught me to live life to the fullest and not be afraid to be different
85. I was a movie extra twice, in several tv telethons, and in a television pilot in Chicago when I was 19
86. In 2006 my daughter and I were on tv together for Taste of America, a show on the Travel Channel
87. My neighbor next door to us called the police when I was a kid because my bigwheel was too loud
88. I've had a loaded shotgun held to my head by a crazy man who didn't like kids
89. As a child my parents used to tell me they bought me at a garage sale, and I believed them for a long time
90. I saw my name on the back of a milk carton for missing children once, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't me
91. God's answered my prayers and given me many miracles in my life
92. I halfheartedly tried to commit suicide once and obviously failed (praise the Lord)
93. Years later I was depressed again, and called a suicide hotline. I got an answering machine which said "I'm sorry we're not here to take your call, but please try again later.. ". I laughed so hard at how ridiculous it all was, and I never thought about suicide again.
94. I'd like to leave my children a legacy worth something
95. I cherish my friends, and respect their time
96. I've never seen Gone With The Wind or Casablanca
97. I am truly blessed with a wonderful family who loves me
98. I daydream a lot
99. I'm happy with my life
100. I wouldn't change anything I've walked through - good or bad - because it's made me who I am today |
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